I'm sick to death of DC's prick tease death sentences because I finally felt like I put Aquaman behind me. He was the ex- that tried to have sex with my best friend on my bed just so we could talk on the phone. A character that defies all levels of likability, power and anything like allegorical relevance. Aquaman as a character is the appendix of the DC universe and it looked like they had finally had the appendectomy.
Then one day I was looking for some back copies of The Walking Dead when I traipsed passed the spandex section of my new favorite comic book store and there he was. Well FU very much DC for opening old wounds!
Well, DC, if the reasons you are resurrecting skid marks like Arthur Curry to fill your roster is because you're out of ideas, here is a list of abilities you can use to draft some new talent.
1)Facial follicle Telekinesis
2)Mineral ingestion
3)Oral defecation
4)Gravy sweat
5)Turning speech into white noise
6)Blinking genitals
7)Eyes on your balls
8)Eyes on your feet
9)Three extra annoying copies of your own personality
10)Mouth siren
11)Everything you touch turns to poop
12)Turning your tongue into rock salt
13)Turning you skin into paper
14)Highlighter flesh
15)The inability to get drunk
16)Being burned by any liquid
17)Growing ridiculous eye lashes
18)Sporadic vomitus
19)Summoning a swarm of bees that only attack you
20)Farting out you nose
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