Aquaman Lives Again!: Useless Superpowers and pointless resurrections

I'm sick to death of DC's prick tease death sentences because I finally felt like I put Aquaman behind me. He was the ex- that tried to have sex with my best friend on my bed just so we could talk on the phone. A character that defies all levels of likability, power and anything like allegorical relevance. Aquaman as a character is the appendix of the DC universe and it looked like they had finally had the appendectomy.

Then one day I was looking for some back copies of The Walking Dead when I traipsed passed the spandex section of my new favorite comic book store and there he was. Well FU very much DC for opening old wounds!

Well, DC, if the reasons you are resurrecting skid marks like Arthur  Curry to fill your roster is because you're out of ideas, here is a list of abilities you can use to draft some new talent.

1)Facial follicle Telekinesis

2)Mineral ingestion

3)Oral defecation

4)Gravy sweat

5)Turning speech into white noise

6)Blinking genitals

7)Eyes on your balls

8)Eyes on your feet

9)Three extra annoying copies of your own personality

10)Mouth siren

11)Everything you touch turns to poop

12)Turning your tongue into rock salt

13)Turning you skin into paper

14)Highlighter flesh

15)The inability to get drunk

16)Being burned by any liquid

17)Growing ridiculous eye lashes

18)Sporadic vomitus

19)Summoning a swarm of bees that only attack you

20)Farting out you nose

Williinham and Whedon's Angel: Twilight begone!

There's not much that can't be done with a vampire lately. Thanks to Joss Whedon they won't all be stories about glow worm pretty boys. Before Twilight the gaming shops and comic book stores were divided into three categories of fang fandom: Whedon Fan's, Buffy Fans, and angry fan boys who hated having their asexual sanctuaries invaded by troublesome oestrogen. But the hardcore fans recognized quality. They saw Fire-fly, some lost their virginity and others decided that having girls in the fort was an okay thing.

Recently, Bill Willingham has stepped into write the next story-arc for the broody avenger. Before starting his work on Angel Willingham distorted folklore with Fables. Willingham turned things around for those who were frustrated with Civil War or kind of let down when Bruce Wayne bit it. Whedon's arc opens with Angel missing and the members of Team Angel dealing with the absence. Connor has become the demon messiah , Spike is annoyed because no one is talking about him, Illyria is annoyed because everyone is talking, Gunn is washing the blood off his hands, and everyone in LA is trying too star f**k their way into the back story.

Even though the Cast of angel may be more distilled than what Willingham is used to working with, he manages to take the Angelverse into familiar places: a vampire that can't make relationships work, while reminding us that you can't trust anyone when you keep jumping in and out of hell and half the people you know have died twice.

Willingham is reinventing the broody, abusive, undead teen heart throb with an actual plot. After reading several issues I can say that Stephanie Meyers is a cultural bowel obstruction to the vampire mythos. A big ball of waxy hair clogging up the works. Willingham is our pepto-bismal.